Tequila Two Birds With One Stone
by LNC2
Summary: Marinette is an affectionate drunk.


One shot, two shots, three shots

 _Pour_.

Tonight Ladybug was getting lady _lit_ and there was no one in the whole of Paris who could stop her.

"Marinette, my guy, I always knew you had it in you."

Kim was especially encouraging of her first official sojourn into drunken debauchery as he lined up the next round of shots. He was in his element surrounded by friends and classmates eager to drink away the stress of their final exams.

Nothing called for mischief quite like an empty house and dozens of teenagers in need of release. The past several weeks had been a blur of qualifying exams, applications, research papers, and akumas.

Apparently Hawkmoth didn't give a damn about her academic success and the resulting nights of battling physics formulas and memorizing monsters meant that by the time she turned in her last paper Marinette was ready to burst from stress and exhaustion.

And that was _before_ her Startling Revelation.

Not even Tikki could disapprove of a little underage drinking after _that_.

"It will be good for you," the little goddess said as she helped tie the silver bow in her shell-shocked charge's ponytail. "Better to do it somewhere safe."

 _Somewhere safe_ meant getting glammed up to walk the eleven blocks to Kim's chaperone-free home to drink copious amounts of alcohol in his very warm, very crowded basement.

It was nice though. Not worrying about school or internships or superheroing or…

...Marinette's eyes strayed to the staircase that lead down to the basement with what Alya had described earlier as _terrified longing_.

 _I need another drink_.

As if reading her mind, a shot glass filled with golden liquid and a lime on the rim appeared before her. She looked up to meet Alya's twinkling eyes as she held a similar glass of her own.

"You look like you could use another round."

God bless best friends.

Marinette grabbed a discarded salt shaker from the various liquor and soda bottles littering the card table-turned-bar. Before tonight she'd never had tequila but Alya was more than eager to remedy _that_ little oversight.

( _Trust me,_ She'd said, dancing over with the amber bottle. _Tequila is the drink of the gods_.)

Marinette didn't disagree.

It tasted _awful_.

It did the trick.

Three shots in and she was hovering pleasantly on the corner of buzzed and tipsy cruising steadily towards drunk at a happy, lime lingering pace.

She _almost_ didn't care that only hours before she had witnessed one particular black cat leaping into one particular alleyway reappearing moments later as one _very_ particular blonde model.

 _Almost_ tasted like salt on skin and fire in her throat.

 _Bottoms up_ , she thought grimly as she and Alya threw back another round.

She was definitely going to need it.

* * *

Adrien was running late.

Only a few years ago he had a sterling reputation for being present and punctual at all events his father's proxy deemed appropriate. That was, of course, before Paris became a playground for super villains and superheroes alike.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Plagg complained. "So you're a few minutes late."

"I'm an _hour_ late no thanks to you."

Plagg swatted away Adrien's accusing finger as he tried to poke the little god back into his shirt pocket.

"Well _excuse_ _me_ for needing a little extra sustenance before being stuffed in what is basically your armpit for the rest of the night. Puberty hit you hard, kid."

"The only thing that stinks around here is your cheese you lazy pig. I bet Ladybug doesn't have to put up with this shit from _her_ kwami."

"Nope," Plagg said, popping the 'p'. "Tikki likes cookies."

Adrien rolled his eyes. "Of course she does."

Ladybug really _was_ lucky.

Adrien fidgeted anxiously with the sleeves of his black button up that hopefully met Nino's not so helpful criteria ( _Dress nice but not like_ too _nice, you know?_ ) before ringing Kim's doorbell.

There was no answer.

Adrien frowned. It didn't take Chat Noir's sense of hearing to know there were definitely people inside. He tried the doorbell again only to receive the same result.

"Ugh, kid. Don't you know _anything_ about parties?"

Plagg zoomed out of his pocket to try the door knob. It turned easily and his kwami shot him his patented _you're-hopeless_ look before reclaiming his hiding place.

Kim's house was _packed_.

Adrien didn't know why he expected anything less. Kim hadn't exactly made a secret of the fact that his mom would be away for the weekend. He just hadn't realized Kim knew so many people. There were of course some familiar faces, old classmates from his _college_ days as well as a few from their lycee.

However it was one thing to see your classmates in the hallways or during tests and it was a whole other animal to see them doing… well whatever the hell it was that was happening at the moment.

Apparently, Adrien was _really_ late.

"Adriekins!" Chloe yelled above the noise of the room. She held a nearly empty glass of what Adrien assumed was red wine and was tottering over on a pair of black heels that made his feet ache in sympathy. He caught her drunken hug and smiled. "You're here!"

"I'm here, Chlo. It looks like everyone got started without me though."

"Well then you'll just have to catch up." She said with a wine-side smile.

She dragged him past the writhing horde in the living room and towards the basement stairs. Adrien just caught Nino's wave as he worked his magic on Kim's speakers to the delight of the drunken masses.

 _How does Kim even_ _ **know**_ _this many people?_

"Oh he probably doesn't," Chloe laughed. Adrien found that he was not so much being lead as being used as support as the girl teetered down the steps.

"Maybe you should take off your shoes."

Her happy, drunken glow seemed to disappear in an instant and he nearly recoiled at the _look_ she shot him.

Nevermind then.

"Honestly, Adriekins." She said, as if that said it all.

He rolled his eyes and helped her settle safely at the bottom of the stairs. "I know, I know. If I weren't so cute."

Chloe sniffed her disdain, the effect somewhat hampered by her drunken sway. Adrien resisted the urge to smile. For all of Chloe's prickly exterior, he really did love her.

"Well as long as _you_ know," She said, already scanning the room for better company. " _Ugh_ , Sabrina's sneaking off with that midfielder. Excuse me, I need to stop a mistake in the making."

With a careless wave over her shoulder, Adrien watched his friend power walk her way through the throng, all previous signs of intoxication disappearing in light of her mission.

For a moment he stood there, a lone beacon of sobriety in a sea of tipsy adolescence. There were a few familiar faces scattered throughout the room, but Adrien found he would need a drink or three if he was going to continue the night surrounded by not-quite strangers. He was just about to head back upstairs to join Nino and track down the nearest alcohol when he received a sharp jab to the ribs.

"Well if it isn't Mr. Sunshine himself?" Alix said, grinning around the rim of a red plastic cup. "You're not abandoning the party already are you?"

"No but I- _ahk_!" He yelped as Alix grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the back door. "Where are we going?"

She shot a smirk over her shoulder. "To have some fun."

Adrien's stomach dropped as he followed one of his more devious classmates outside. As they climbed the back entrance stairs, he heard drunken shrieking and laughter and his host's voice carrying over it all.

" _Bullshit_!" Kim yelled, jumping to his feet and pointing an accusatory finger. "That's absolute _bullshit_."

There were six of them sprawled out on the ground and some old patio chairs. He didn't recognize two of the guys but Adrien was relieved to see Alya, Marinette, and Mylene amongst them. In the center of their makeshift ring lay several half-consumed bottles of wine and liquor.

"Look who decided to come out and play!" Alix said, dragging him forward.

Adrien hadn't been sure about tonight but when his inebriated friends joyfully shouted "Adrien!" only to be followed by the drunken strangers equally jovial "Adrien!" he felt some of his tension melting away. This wasn't one of his father's events where he needed to be on his best behavior.

He was with _friends_ and he was going to have _fun_.

"What are you drinking?" Kim said, as Adrien took the empty seat between Alya and one of the other boys.

"That depends," He said, glancing around the circle and taking in their various states of intoxication. "What are we playing?"

"Never Have I Ever," Alix said, swiping a bottle of rum from Kim's hand and taking a swig.

Alya grinned. "Marinette's losing."

"Excuse you, I'd say I'm _winning_."

"I don't think she's really playing," Kim said, rolling his eyes. "There's no way she's done half of this shit. She's just drinking."

"Rude," Marinette pouted, reaching for her cup. "I mean you're _right_ , but still."

Adrien laughed. She caught his eye and winked.

"Watch out, Agreste," Mylene said, smirking into her cup. "Don't pay her too much attention or she'll come for you next. M's several shots deep and she's a cuddler."

"He'll have to get in line," Alya said, pulling a giggly Marinette onto her lap. "I had to sit through her fawning over Michel and Adam for the last half hour. It's my turn now."

"Allllllya," She sing-songed, sloshing her cup as she leaned over to kiss her friend's cheek. "Never have I ever felt more loved."

Adrien took a drink, grinning. Marinette caught the movement with narrowed eyes.

"Don't worry your pretty little head, minou. You'll feel the love soon enough."

He choked, spitting out the more-rum-than-coke that Kim had handed him.

" _Dude_ ," Alix said, wiping the spray from her legs. Adrien could only cough an apology as Marinette sent him a glassy-eyed grin.

Kim snickered as he refilled Adrien's cup. "Don't let it go to your head, Agreste. She's been fussing over everyone tonight." He cast Alix a devious smile. "Isn't that right _mon tout petit oiseau_?"

Alix scowled. "If she weren't so drunk right now I would hit her,"

Marinette cooed softly and tried to crawl forward, but Alya held tight.

"Maybe you stay here with me and Adrien for now, babe." She cast a considering glance towards the blonde who was still recovering from his not-so-new nickname. "Sunshine looks like he could use some attention."

"He always has my attention."

"Isn't _that_ the truth," Alix laughed touching her cup to Mylene's before downing its contents. Adrien cast a confused smile towards Michel who merely shrugged.

" _Speaking_ of truths," Alya said, rocking from side to side causing Marinette to pendulum sway with her. "Are we done fucking around and ready to get to the good stuff?"

"I've got your good stuff right here," Marinette grinned, reaching forward for the half-empty bottle of tequila. She misjudged, however, and ended up sliding side and out of Alya's lap, and into the very _minimal_ space between with Adrien.

"Oops," She said, blinking up with a not-so-sorry smile against his side.

Adrien laughed and helped her straighten out only to have her collapse back into him, this time bursting into a fit of giggles that tickled his collarbone as she shook her head against him.

"Don't bother," Kim said as Adrien struggled to right her once again. "She's too far gone."

"I'm not so drunk," Marinette mumbled, leaning her head into the crook of Adrien's neck. He froze as her bangs brushed the underside of his chin before relaxing again. He wrapped the arm she was leaning against around her waist so she was more comfortable and felt a burst of affection for his inebriated friend as she snuggled closer. "I'm just happy."

"I'll bet you are," Alya smirked.

"Careful, Marinette," Mylene said, cheeks flushed and bright. "Anything you say can be held against you."

"Promise?" She said, peeking up at Adrien with a mischievous smile that had no right being as cute as it was.

"Ooo-kay," He said, laughing nervously as he reached for his own drink. "What are we playing?"

Kim let out a triumphant whoop as he slammed a shot glass down in the middle of their circle.

"Truth or shot!"

Adrien tried smiling with the others as they let out a swell of tipsy cheers but it felt a little forced. He could tell from Plagg's anxious squirming that his kwami wasn't overly fond of the idea.

Marinette caught his grimace and laughed.

"Don't worry, choupminou," She said, patting his knee. "I'll protect you."

Adrien side-eyed her slurred endearment before shrugging it aside.

 _What's the worst that can happen?_

"So _Adrien_ ," Alya grinned. "What will it be? Truth or shot."

* * *

One shot, two shots, three shots

 _Pour_.

If Marinette hadn't already bought her ticket to ride the porcelain rails her friends seemed determined to rectify the situation.

"Marineeeeette," Mylene said gleefully from her perch on one of Kim's rusted patio chairs. "Truth or shot?"

"I just went!"

"No," Alix said, rolling her eyes. " _Adrien_ just went. You just drank for him."

"Which I _still_ call bullshit on, by the way." Alya said, shoving a finger into Marinette's side. "You can't bat for someone else."

Adrien wasn't complaining.

He was quickly learning more about his friends than he ever cared to know.

(Explicit details of Kim's fantasy threesome with Ondine and Max? He's good. Alix's run in with Officer Raincomprix on New Year's Eve? Enlightening, but not necessary. Nino and Alya's preferred sex toys? _Hard pass_.)

By the fourth round of questioning things had gotten decidedly _personal_ and Adrien had already shot past three truths and was _definitely_ starting to feel it when Marinette finally stepped in.

"Shot." She'd said, before taking the proverbial hit.

Which was just as well because he _really_ didn't want to talk about who in present company he'd most prefer to sit on his face.

"Allllya," She said, grabbing her startled partner's beautiful, flushed face ( _what are y-agh!_ ) and shoving it towards her friend. "Look at him! He's like a newborn babe with well-defined calves. We can't sully his innocence like this."

Adrien yelped as Marinette dropped him abruptly, nearly sprawling forward into her lap. The very lap he'd been contemplating only moments before she'd come to his rescue.

" _Ah_ , it's okay," He said, righting himself with a nervous laugh and trying to put some distance between them. "I'm not so sheltered as all that."

Disbelieving looks from all around and Adrien felt his ego nosedive.

"Okay then Mr. Experience," Kim smirked, leaning in. "Truth or shot. Who's your favorite teller at the spank bank?"

" _Nice_ ," Mylene whistled, followed by a defensive "What?" as she caught his horrified look.

"You can't be serious," He said, flushing from his ears to his collar as he looked around the very serious, very _amused_ circle. Even Marinette was looking a little curious as his cheeks reddened and reddened and reddened some more under their scrutiny.

 _God help him he wasn't drunk enough for this._

He reached forward and took the shot. A collective groan went out from the group.

"I _knew_ you–"

"Ladybug," He coughed, slamming the glass down.

The alleyway filled with the whoops and cheers of the drunken masses.

" _Yes!_ " Alya said, leaning over to high-five the mortified blonde. "Top three, easy."

"Superb ass."

Alix shrugged. "She's cool."

Adrien's heart swelled with mortified pride as his friends celebrated his debauched honesty. He chanced a look towards Marinette who was biting back a smirk.

"Ladybug, huh?"

"Ah, yeah," He said, rubbing the back of his neck. Her eyes were so amused and blue and _knowing_ that he had to look away.

He could feel her watching him as he reached for his cup, waiting for him to take a healthy swallow before she leaned in close and murmured, "I could make that happen."

This time it really _wasn't_ his fault as Alix's rum-spray-indignant shrieks filled the night.

"I'm going to _kill_ you, Agreste!"

* * *

Something was wrong with Marinette.

Well, not _something_.

It was pretty clear to Adrien that she was way past tipsy, buzzed, inebriated and whatever the hell else adjectives she and Alya had taken to trading back and forth.

"Maybe you should have some water now?" He said, nervously eyeing Alya's easy pour.

"Maybe you should shut your pretty mouth."

No, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was well and truly _drunk_

and Adrien didn't even know how to begin handling it.

"C'mon Marinette. The game is called _Truth_ or shot not _Hopeless Fantasy_ or shot."

"Are you sure, Kim?" Marinette said, throwing the horrified blonde beside her an impish grin. "Because this one's talk of Ladybug sounded pretty fantastic to me."

He really, _really_ didn't know how to handle it.

"I think this game has run its course," Mylene said, smiling as she struggled to her feet. The others stood to join her. "When we start talking about making out with superheroes I think it's time to find a new activity."

The girl that was so casually sprawled out on top of him and Alya pouted.

"Sorry babe," Alya kissed her friend's forehead to ease the sting of betrayal. "But I think I would know if your first kiss was with Chat Noir."

It was no less shocking to him the second time he heard it, but Adrien was much better at hiding it this time around. That is, until Alya slid out from beneath Marinette's head and the girl in question turned her glassy blue eyes to him.

"No one believes me, cher." She said, pulling herself up by a half-side crawl so that she faced him as her legs remained stretched across his lap. She wasn't any closer than she had been all evening, but as the last of their group filtered inside Adrien felt the lack of distance like he hadn't before.

He coughed, his hand going to rub the back of his neck. "Ah, well. It _is_ pretty unbelievable."

Marinette caught his hand in hers, tracing her thumb thoughtfully over his palm before bringing it to her lips.

"It was," She murmured against his skin, looking up at him through her lashes.

Adrien blinked at her, stupid struck, before she burst out into a peal of drunken giggles.

"You're so good," She said, squishing his face between her hands. "How are you just so _good_?"

"Practice?" He said, his mouth running away from him as his unusually touchy, incredibly cute, absolutely _sauced_ friend gazed at him with drunken adoration.

Her nose wrinkled. "And so _bad_. Kitty your jokes sometimes. Why."

Then she leaned forward and kissed his nose before scrambling out of his lap. It took a moment for his brain to catch up with his heart as it worked overtime to beat out of his chest. He stared useless and dumb as Marinette struggled to stand even as she used his shoulder as a crutch.

She caught his fly-open-wide stupor and grinned.

She didn't know. She _couldn't_ know.

"Need a hand there, minou?"

She totally knew.

There were sounds coming out of his mouth that he distantly recognized as _not words_. Sounds that were more whimpers and half-stuttered screams that Plagg was sure to give him shit about when he was no longer confronted by Marinette's sloppy drunk grin.

A grin that was just this side of familiar on a girl who was backlit by moonlight and sending him spiraling into such a goddamn feeling of _deja-vu_ that his rum-addled mind couldn't help but make the connection as she held out a helping hand.

He reached for it, numb, only to realize too late that Marinette's drunken sway wasn't just for show as she collapsed down into him, sending them both sprawling back to the ground.

She landed on his chest with an _oof_ and Adrien had only just started babbling apologies when she started laughing, delighted, as she buried her face into the crook of his neck.

"Marinette?" He asked, breathless as her bangs brushed the underside of his jaw.

"Kitty."

His heart threatened to collapse. It _couldn't_ be.

"My Lady?"

A warm pressure on his neck sent electricity running down his spine. Did she just…?

"I could be."

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Adrien's arms tightened around the girl in his lap, his hands absently running down her side as he stared up at the starless sky. She sure _felt_ real.

But how could a black cat be so _lucky…_?

"Chaton," Marinette said against his throat, not noticing how Adrien's whole world had been flipped, reversed, and brought to technicolor in a matter of seconds.

"Hmm," He said, pulling away just enough to look at her ( ** _her!_** ) with growing delight.

"I have to pee."

* * *

Adrien was a wreck.

Okay well that wasn't entirely true. _Marinette_ was a wreck. A beautiful, glassy eyed, disheveled tequila-induced wreck.

She'd never looked so beautiful.

After a much needed bathroom break (one where she chatted happily at him through the closed door) Adrien spent the rest of the night sneaking his partner glass after glass of water and pretending he wasn't heels over head stupid in love with her.

(Judging from his friends less than subtle catcalls every time he blushed over her drunken affections he was failing spectacularly. After the third time his lady placed a sloppy kiss to his cheek he _really_ didn't care.)

By the end of the night Adrien's cheeks were hurting from how much he'd been smiling.

"You guys are more than welcome to stay here," A surprisingly sober Kim said as he cleared out some of the worst of the bottles. Several of their classmates were slumped in various places throughout the living room. Adrien looked over to Nino who was leaning on Alya's shoulder, looking a little worse for the wear. Alya, on the other hand, merely grinned as she swayed beneath the combination of alcohol and his weight.

Marinette was sitting cross legged at their feet unable or unwilling to put forth the effort to stand up.

Adrien shook his head.

"Thanks but I think we're going to head out. Marinette's parents are also out of town and we're all going to crash there."

"Suit yourself. Good luck getting this one out of here though."

Kim walked over to the girl in question and pulled at her ponytail. She scowled.

"I may be drunk Le Chien but I can still kick your ass."

"Up up, Biscuit."

"Don't wanna." But she held out her arms for him to help her up anyways.

She yelped as Kim scooped her into his arms instead.

"Put me down!" She shrieked, kicking wildly.

"You're in no condition to walk." Kim said, rolling his eyes. He turned to Adrien and grinned, holding out their wriggling friend. "Where do you want her?"

 _Everywhere_.

Adrien smothered a grin as his partner pouted up at him. "I can do a piggyback ride if you can't walk."

Marinette stopped struggling. "... I can't walk."

"Of course you can't," Kim said, laughing as he handed her over.

Adrien's heart melted a little more as Marinette wrapped her arms around his neck, sighing happily into his ear.

"Thank you, Kitty."

She was more than welcome.

Alya eyed her best friend's happy state with a wicked kind of glee.

"Not the kind of ride you were hoping for but it's a good start."

Adrien let out a strangled whine and rushed out the door, only to nearly drop the girl in his arms as she murmured a quiet _later_ into his collar.

And as the four of them stumbled their way down the early morning streets, Marinette continued to babble a string of endearments and promises that sent his heart hurting with joy.

"You're going to have such a headache tomorrow." He said, laughing as they ambled behind a cheerfully bickering Nino and Alya.

Marinette hummed near his ear.

"But you'll take care of me right, minou?"

Adrien's soul tripped and he tightened his grip on his sleepy partner's thighs as she clung tight and trusting to his back.

" _Always_."


End file.
